


Chilly Down

by stepquietly



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Labyrinth Fusion, Crack, Gen, Swearing, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-04-16
Packaged: 2018-01-19 15:55:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1475569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stepquietly/pseuds/stepquietly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tazer wishes the goblins would come take Kaner away right now.</p><p>(The Labyrinth crack AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chilly Down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mardia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mardia/gifts), [bessyboo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessyboo/gifts).



 

When everything is said and done, Kaner blames a lifetime of reading shitty paranormal romances.

Jonny just blames Kaner.

* * *

 

It’s not even a real fight about real shit so much as it’s frustration over Kaner being injured, and Jonny being injured, and both of them feeling pretty fucking tired of sitting around waiting to get better.

“You suck, man,” Kaner grumbles, and Jonny kicks out at him on the couch. “If I thought for a second they’d take your sorry ass, I’d wish goblins would come in and drag you out of my house.”

Jonny kicks harder. “The goblins? Weak.”

“You’re a fucking goblin. Look at you. With that face they’d probably vote you king goblin.” He shoves Jonny’s legs off the couch.

Jonny grumpily gets up and heads to the kitchen. “You know what? I wish the goblins would come and take you away right now. Fucking dickhead. Want anything? Kaner? Hey, asshole, you want anything?”

* * *

 

“Well,” the guy with the weird sparkles and the hair says, “you’re a bit older than the ones we normally get.”

“ _Dude!_ ” Kaner yelps, covering his eyes. “Wear a fucking jock under there! No one wants to see all that.”

* * *

 

“So what you’re saying is that you’re the goblin king?” Jonny does not believe this shit.

Jareth fusses with his sleeves. “Yes. And despite what your friend may have said, being king takes a lot more than a pretty face. No pretty face has ever controlled a goblin horde.”

Jonny rolls his eyes.

“But enough about goblins. I’ve brought you a gift; it’ll show you your dreams.” Jareth gracefully juggles the crystal ball for a while before offering it to Jonny. “But it’s not a gift for someone who plays caretaker for an annoying man-child.”

“You’ve met him then?”

Jareth looks long suffering. “Let’s put it this way: I can see why you wished him away.”

“Yeah, well, I’m happy to take him back off your hands. He’s an annoying man-child alright but we’ve got two cup rings and we’re going after a third once we’re back on ice.”

“I’m afraid what’s done is done. He’s been taken to my castle at the center of the labyrinth. Do you still want to look for him?”

Jonny shrugs. Couldn't be worse than sitting on the couch.

* * *

 

“You remind me of the babe,” Jareth sings, dancing with his goblin subjects.

“Don’t fucking call me babe,” Kaner snarls with murder in his voice. “ _And why the fuck am I in a fucking onesie_?”

“Silence! Or I’ll drop you in the bog of eternal stench!” Jareth doesn’t even miss a step.

Kaner punches him.

* * *

 

“This is probably why we don’t usually take the older ones,” Jareth muses later, examining the way the skin around his eye is bruising.

Kaner kicks furiously in a corner, tied up and gagged, and covered in glitter.

* * *

 

Jareth stands at the top of one of the upside down staircases, hand reaching out as if to beseech him. “Your eyes can be so cruel. Just as I can be so cruel,” he sings.

Jonny glares at him and keeps jogging up the fucking stairs.

* * *

 

“Well,” Hoggle harrumphs after Jonny's finally choked out the spell and defeated Jareth. “He’s a bit older than the last one Jareth took.”

“ _What the fuck are you wearing_?” Jonny boggles.

Kaner slides a little on the cloth feet but manages to get close enough so he can haul off and punch Jonny. “Been waiting thirteen hours to do that, fucker! Who the fuck wishes me away?!”

“Well,” Hoggle stammers, “sometimes friends make mistakes…”

Kaner punches him too.

* * *

 

“So what was it like?” Jonny asks when they’re both back on the couch.

“Weird glitter and singing,” Kaner grumbles, scrunching down until he's comfortable. “But at least the guy knows how to do a mullet.”

**Author's Note:**

> Bess: This is terrible.  
> Bess: No matter what I say you're going to keep going, aren't you?  
> Me: Through dangers untold and hardships unknown.  
> Bess: Of course.


End file.
